once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
