They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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