I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
