Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
