And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
