You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
