My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
