The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
