here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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