I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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