I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
