Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize