He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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