I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
