If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize