Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
