yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just cropdusted the office
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
