i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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