If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
