Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
