he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
