We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
