apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
