i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
