is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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