I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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