Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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