I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize