roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
