So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
