Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
