we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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