nut hugger
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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