what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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