So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
