"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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