I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
