I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
