Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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