Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
