i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
