Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
