Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
