There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
