we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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