I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
