he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
