he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
