I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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