Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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