Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
