wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
