i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
