Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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