Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
