Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.

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(786): View more from Florida

Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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(469): View more from Texas

Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.

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(971): View more from Oregon

He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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(509): View more from Washington

Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.

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(425): View more from Washington

This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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(716): View more from New York

I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch

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(310): View more from California

She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed

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