Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
