He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize