I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
