does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
