I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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