it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
