I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize