Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
