some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
