They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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