i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
